


She Cries His Name

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: Roswell (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4595700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ava leaves Roswell to find herself and to heal.</p>
<p>After a fashion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Cries His Name

_She saw him everywhere._

It was one of the reasons that she hadn't been able to allow herself to stay in Roswell. Oh, everyone had been so nice and offered her places to stay, but she just couldn't. 

(There was something about Tess that bothered her and seeing her so often would have driven her mad.) 

It wasn't only because she couldn't be where she would end up seeing Max every day. He wasn't Zan -- would never and could never be Zan -- but he looked so much like her beloved that it hurt to be near him. 

(She liked Liz a lot and didn't want to become the kind of person that envied a friend's happiness.)

Those reasons had been a big part of her decision to go, but they hadn't made up the whole of her reasoning. The simple fact of the matter was that everything about Roswell was going to scrape against her wounds and re-open all of her scars over and over until she was able to get herself to heal.

Roswell was also the very place that Rath and Lonnie would come looking for her as soon as they decided it was either safe enough to do so or worth the risk. They would have realized by now that she had told the others what really happened to Zan the night he died. They would have figured out that she must have been the reason that Liz had been able to find a way to warn Max.

(They wanted her dead every bit as much as she wanted them to die -- just their reasons were so very different.)

They would come for her in Roswell and they would kill her.

They would try, at least. She knew that the Roswell group would fight to protect her. She couldn't risk letting them get hurt because they were protecting her.

(Though she was curious which of the aliens would win the fight : Rath or Michael? Lonnie or Isabel? She wanted it to be Michael and Isabel to pay back Rath and Lonnie for all of their treachery.)

She still wasn't sure that she wanted to live in a world without Zan. She wasn't sure that she could live in a world without Zan.

_She saw him everywhere._

No matter her personal feelings, she couldn’t endanger the Roswell group in any way just because she had a target on her back and an alien price on her head. She packed up what little she had arrived with and added the things from Liz and Maria and said her goodbyes. (She pretended not to see the knowing sadness in the eyes of her two human friends.)

Only Tess didn’t seem sorry to see her leave. 

(Later, when Ava heard the news about Alex, she would have wished she had decided to have stayed in order to prevent that.)

She traveled the States as Ava Parker and she learned things. She learned things from the world around her and she learned how to use her powers to a more skillful degree. (Never again would her powers fail her when she needed them to save her the most.)

When she crossed into Canada, her passport and driver’s license read as _Avalina Zan_. She became the punk rock princess of photography and the people around her enjoyed that she had such an exotic name. 

(They never realized that she was more exotic than they knew. They never knew her name was the last thing she had of the man and King she had loved more than her own life.)

She didn’t stay with the people or in the spotlight very often unless she had to for work reasons. She preferred the wide open spaces and the acres of wilderness where she could roam undeterred. 

(Where if she reacted to seeing Zan with tears or with laughter she didn’t have to spend a lot of time explaining. Zan was hers as she would always be his and she owed explanations to no one.)

When Zan’s ghost brought her news of Rath’s eventual death, she didn’t bother to hide the deep sigh of relief. She wasn't even surprised about the circumstances of his death. 

(Michael, it seemed, would take a lot of requests to not kill their enemies when Max asked him to; but trying to take Maria from him broke all restraint.

Maria was alive and Rath was dead. It was how she and Zan would have wished for it to happen.)

Little by little the jagged pieces of her soul were rounded smooth at the edges and they didn’t shred her as easily any longer.

Eventually, it was time for Ava to leave the wilderness and touch base with the friends she had made and had known only a short amount of time. There were answers she needed and questions she probably had the answers to that they needed.

_She saw him everywhere._

She still saw and felt Zan everywhere she looked and everywhere she went, but she knew now that it was okay. He would never leave her and when it was really her time – and not grief doing the thinking – he would be there to take her hand. 

On that day they would never be separated again. He had already promised her his devotion and now he promised her his presence.

With that kind of promise, she could find a way to live in the now.

(Especially since all she had to do was say his name and he would be there for her to see everywhere.)


End file.
